Understanding overwhelm, executive functioning, and why getting started can feel so hard
Have you ever looked around at everything you need to do and thought:
“Why can’t I just get myself to do it?”
The laundry is piling up. Your inbox is full. You have three things you need to remember for your child’s school, two appointments to schedule, dinner to figure out, and a work deadline approaching.
You know what needs to be done. You may even want to get it done.
But somehow, you just… can’t seem to start.
It’s easy to look at that experience and label yourself as lazy, unmotivated, disorganized, or incapable of getting it together.
But sometimes, “lazy” isn’t the most accurate explanation.
Sometimes, you’re overwhelmed.
And especially during busy seasons of life, there may be more going on beneath the surface than simply a lack of motivation.
Overwhelm doesn’t always look like panic
When we think about being overwhelmed, we may picture someone who is visibly anxious, crying, or feeling completely unable to cope.
But overwhelm can be much quieter than that.
It can look like:
- Putting off tasks you know you need to do
- Feeling mentally exhausted before you even begin
- Having trouble deciding where to start
- Forgetting things you normally wouldn’t forget
- Constantly switching between tasks without finishing them
- Spending hours scrolling or doing easier tasks because the important ones feel too difficult
- Feeling irritated by small things
- Avoiding emails, phone calls, paperwork, or appointments
- Feeling guilty because you aren’t accomplishing as much as you think you should
- Knowing exactly what needs to happen but feeling unable to make yourself do it
Sometimes, overwhelm doesn’t look like doing nothing.
Sometimes, it looks like doing everything except the thing that feels most difficult.
The beginning of the school year can make it even harder
For many families, the beginning of the school year brings a major shift in routines.
After a summer of more flexibility, suddenly there are school schedules, drop-offs and pickups, homework, activities, appointments, work responsibilities, meal planning, and countless little things to remember.
And fall can be one of the busiest times of year.
Everyone is getting back into a routine — or trying to establish a completely new one. Calendars fill up quickly, expectations increase, and there can be very little time to simply pause.
That extra mental load can make everyday tasks feel harder than they normally would.
You may find yourself procrastinating, forgetting things, feeling more irritable, struggling to focus, or simply feeling like you don’t have the energy to tackle one more thing.
That doesn’t necessarily mean you’re lazy or unmotivated.
It may mean your brain and body are carrying more than they have the capacity for right now.
The executive functioning connection
Another piece of the puzzle may be executive functioning.
Executive functioning refers to a group of mental skills that help us plan, organize, prioritize, manage our time, remember information, shift between tasks, regulate emotions, and get started on things.
When we’re overwhelmed, stressed, anxious, exhausted, or burned out, those skills can become harder to access.
Think about your brain like a computer with too many tabs open. You may technically be capable of doing everything you’re being asked to do, but when too much is running at once, things slow down.
This is also one reason executive functioning is often discussed in connection with ADHD. Adults with ADHD may experience challenges with organization, time management, planning, procrastination, and completing tasks.
But difficulty getting things done does not automatically mean you have ADHD.
Stress, anxiety, depression, lack of sleep, burnout, major life changes, and other factors can create similar experiences. If these challenges are persistent or interfering with your daily life, talking with a mental health professional can help you better understand what’s happening.
The goal isn’t to find another label to criticize yourself with.
The goal is to understand what you need.
And then there’s burnout
Sometimes overwhelm isn’t just about having a busy week.
It can build over time.
Work. Parenting. Caregiving. Relationships. School. Household responsibilities. Financial stress. Major life transitions. Trying to take care of everyone else while putting your own needs at the bottom of the list.
When the demands keep coming without enough opportunity to recover, you may eventually find yourself running on empty.
Burnout can affect your energy, motivation, concentration, mood, and ability to manage everyday responsibilities.
And when you’re already depleted, even small tasks can feel enormous.
This is why constantly telling yourself to “just try harder” isn’t always the answer.
Sometimes what you need isn’t more pressure.
You need recovery.
What if you approached yourself with curiosity instead of criticism?
When you’re struggling to get something done, try replacing:
“Why can’t I just do this?”
with:
“What is making this feel so difficult right now?”
That small shift can change the way you respond to yourself.
Maybe the task is too big.
Maybe you don’t know where to begin.
Maybe you’re mentally exhausted.
Maybe you’ve been carrying too much for too long.
Maybe you’re afraid you won’t do it perfectly.
Maybe you need help.
Or maybe you genuinely need to rest.
Understanding the reason behind the struggle gives you something to work with. Criticizing yourself usually just adds another layer of stress.
Start smaller than you think
When you’re overwhelmed, the solution doesn’t always have to be a massive productivity overhaul.
Sometimes, the best place to start is by making the task smaller.
Instead of:
“I need to clean the whole house.”
Try:
“I’m going to clear one surface.”
Instead of:
“I need to answer all of these emails.”
Try:
“I’m going to respond to one.”
Instead of:
“I need to figure everything out.”
Try:
“What’s the next step?”
You don’t have to finish everything today.
You just need a starting point.
Give yourself support — and give yourself permission to rest
When we’re overwhelmed, it’s easy to think the answer is to push harder.
Make a better list. Get more organized. Wake up earlier. Catch up on everything you’ve been putting off.
But sometimes, the most helpful thing you can do is stop adding more to your plate.
Rest isn’t something you have to earn after you’ve finished everything.
Rest can be part of preventing overwhelm in the first place.
Especially during busy seasons like the beginning of a new school year, protecting time to recharge can be an important part of caring for your mental health.
That might mean:
- Protecting an evening with no plans
- Going to bed a little earlier
- Taking a walk without multitasking
- Spending time doing something you genuinely enjoy
- Saying no to something that isn’t essential
- Taking a break before you’re completely exhausted
- Letting something be “good enough”
- Asking someone else to help
Rest won’t make every responsibility disappear. But giving yourself opportunities to recover can make it easier to meet those responsibilities without constantly running on empty.
And when you do fall behind — because sometimes you will — try to meet yourself with the same compassion you’d offer someone else.
Give yourself grace. Ask for support. Let yourself rest.
Your productivity is not a measure of your worth.
When it might be time to ask for help
Everyone feels overwhelmed sometimes. But if you’re consistently struggling to keep up with responsibilities, stay organized, focus, regulate your emotions, manage your relationships, or simply get through your day, it may be worth exploring what’s underneath it.
Therapy can provide a space to understand patterns of overwhelm and develop strategies that actually fit your life. Depending on your needs, approaches such as CBT, DBT, IFS, trauma-focused therapy, mindfulness-based approaches, and other therapeutic modalities may help you better understand your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and coping patterns.
For some people, psychological or neuropsychological testing can also provide additional information when concerns around attention, executive functioning, learning, or other areas are affecting daily life.
And for individuals who may benefit from additional support, reNEW YOU also offers medication management for therapy clients ages 12 through adulthood.
Asking for help doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re paying attention to what you need.
You don’t need more shame. You may need more support — and more rest.
If you’re struggling to get things done, start with curiosity rather than criticism.
Ask yourself:
Am I actually being lazy, or am I overwhelmed?
What is taking up so much mental space right now?
What can I make smaller?
What can I let go of?
Where could I use some support?
And when was the last time I truly rested?
Especially during busy seasons, taking care of yourself isn’t another task to add to the list.
Rest, connection, support, realistic expectations, and asking for help are all part of caring for your mental health.
You don’t have to do everything at once.
You don’t have to push through every feeling of exhaustion.
And you don’t have to wait until you’re completely overwhelmed before you ask for help.
Sometimes the next step isn’t doing more.
Sometimes it’s pausing, taking a breath, and giving yourself room to begin again. 🌿
At reNEW YOU Counseling & Wellness, we’re here to help you understand what’s underneath the overwhelm and find support that works for you. Learn more at renewyoucounseling.org.